Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
