Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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