I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
