How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
