I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize