This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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