This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
