Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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