I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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