Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
