Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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