I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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