I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
