Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
3 2 1 whiskey
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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