i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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