The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This baby is an asshole
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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