And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
