You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
