I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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