He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
