bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
