she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
