literally had 100 drinks last night.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Even my vagina gasped.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
