This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
