I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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