i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
