yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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