Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
