We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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