it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
