I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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