i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize