I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
