Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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