Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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