Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As shirtless as possible
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
