I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
