When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize