Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
