You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
