Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
