Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
