I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
