She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
