you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
