All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
