It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
