his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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