a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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