I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
