We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
A+ Viking dick
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
