Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Acid is not a monday night drug
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
