i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
