This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
