Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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