he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I came so hard my ears popped.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
