I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
