I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
