I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
